Beware and be Grateful/Children of Desire

Beware and be Grateful - Maps & Atlases (Barsuk, 2012)
Admittedly, I miss the old noodly math pop days of Chicago's Maps & Atlases. However, the band's latest and second full length for Barsuk is a vast improvement on 2010's decent Perch Patchwork. Instead of the complex folk stylings that found their way on that album, Beware and be Grateful showcases an interesting yet more straightforward level of pop sensibility than the band is known for. There have always been poppy elements to Maps & Atlases' songs, but never so blatant than here. The band seems to have ditched the finger-tapping, intricate finger-picking, off-kilter rhythms and completely insane drumming, for the most part. These details have been substituted for almost Vampire Weekend-esque tropical beats and rhythms and huge 80s-style production. At times it goes a little too far, and surely Dave Davison's vocals can get a little annoying, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I still enjoy their songs, even if they've strayed so far from what I originally liked about them. There are enough neat little tracks and outright brilliant moments to keep this band relavent in my heart. "Silver Self" and "Old Ash" are the best examples of why.


Children of Desire - Merchandise (Katorga, 2012)
For only being a six-song LP, Tampa's Merchandise nail it on Children of Desire, which features noisy, hazy goth pop tunes, two of which are 10 minutes long, and completely digestible. This is the most Captured Tracks-sounding album that hasn't been released by Captured Tracks yet. Reverb and chorus guitars that are sometimes distorted, driving, high-end bass, drum machine, and a vocalist that sounds like a cross between Morrissey and Stephin Merritt. These songs are dramatic, but in an awesome, subtle, 80s goth way. There's an element of despair in these soundscapes, but these are bouncy pop songs too. Children of Desire is excellent, and if you've been digging on so many of the Captured Tracks bands like I've been, then this is right up your alley. "Time" is the jam that hooked me.

Lovers in a Dangerous Time/Sour Girl

THE jams of the moment.

"Lovers in a Dangerous Time" by Bruce Cockburn, from Stealing Fire (1984)
The chimey guitars through the whole thing are the best.


"Sour Girl" by Stone Temple Pilots, from No. 4 (1999)
The vocal melody during the verses is the best.

Just Married/Celebration Rock/Dream Journal EP

Just Married - Glocca Morra (Kind of Like, 2012)
I'm so glad that this east coast emo revival thing is still going strong, if not getting even better. Philly's Algernon Cadwallader (sigh... R.I.P.) were the kings, but it seems they've passed the flag to Glocca Morra, who play a similar style of bright, upbeat emo with ringing, noodly (but not too noodly) guitars, bouncy rhythms, catchy melodies and all sorts of time changes and stops and starts. Overall, Just Married definitely is an emo record with nods to pop punk at times, but man, it is all over the place. The structures and compositions of these songs are massively complex, but still, the music here is extremely accessible and easily lovable (if you're not an idiot). I absolutely love this record, and the reasons are many (impressive complexity, melodies, intense vocals, nostalgia, youthful but not immature angst, all the music nerd stuff I listed above), but mainly, it is just such a blast to listen to. I'll go ahead and say it: at this point, probably my favorite record of the year? And, with it being September and all, it's hard to imagine it being overtaken by anything else. If you know me well and listen to this, you should understand.


Celebration Rock - Japandroids (Polyvinyl, 2012)
I didn't fully get Post-Nothing until it was way too late (like, just a few months ago), but it was fun to immerse myself in it before the release of Japandroids' much anticipated follow-up, Celebration Rock. And what a follow-up it is. Celebration Rock doesn't really quit until it ends, which is perhaps a stupid and obvious statement to make, but do you know what I mean? It is nonstop rock and roll. No real breaks, no ballads, no nothing like that. These two dudes seem like they have an endless fount of energy and passion, and it is so much fun to listen to them (and I would imagine watch them) bring it. While Celebration Rock lacks the hints of emo and shoegaze that I appreciate so much in Post-Nothing, I am way into this album's more unhinged energy, emotion and sound. I hear a little bit of The Replacements, and that rules. I'm not gonna go so far as to say that this is the best rock album of the year (see above), but it certainly is not far off.


Dream Journal EP - Living Room (self-released, 2012)
More emo revival! I don't know anything about Living Room, but I randomly came across their Dream Journal EP and was content with the results. The production isn't great but isn't bad, and the vocals are little too adolescent for my liking, but it all combines into something charmingly raw. Great guitars not unlike Braid and the like, and the song structures are complicated just the way I like it. Dream Journal is a pleasant surprise, and yet another testament to how good this reemergence of emo is for our planet. The jam "Red Saints" is tops.

White Noise/The Lonely Polygamist/Tinkers

White Noise - Don DeLillo (1985)
White Noise is my first Don DeLillo read, and of course I know I'm way late to that game. I know that a lot of his work is insanely critically acclaimed, but I feel like, at least with this novel, I've received fairly mixed reviews of his work amongst my friends. Anyway, it's about time I got around to reading this, and I was stoked to discover exactly how fun White Noise is. I was expecting way dark doom-and-gloom musings, but this is hilarious, quirky post-modernism to a T. I'm pleasantly surprised that DeLillo seems to come from the same school of writing and is similarly influenced by Thomas Pynchon as David Foster Wallace, Zadie Smith and the like. White Noise is all over the place, covering all sorts of themes (media and technological saturation, family, academia, man-made disaster, fear of death), yet somehow is not completely sprawling. The story flows very well, even if the structure is relatively loopy. These characters remind me of those in The Broom of the System, Vineland and White Teeth, which was very attractive to me while reading. I very much look forward to more DeLillo in the future.


The Lonely Polygamist - Brady Udall (2010)
Brady Udall's 2010 novel, The Lonely Polygamist, is excellent on many levels. The characters are enthralling and thoroughly enjoyable, a majority of the plot events are quirky and thought provoking when they aren't outright hilarious, and fundamentalist Mormonism is presented in a clever, critical and human light. At it's core it is a dysfunctional family story in line with (but not quite as messed up as) Franzen's The Corrections and Eugenides' Middlesex. Our hero is a husband of four and father of many, and in his late forties it all is finally catching up to him and he has a mid-life crisis and (to a degree) nervous breakdown. Considering the polygamy aspect, hilarity and tension ensue equally. The story climaxed a bit too early and got a little too heavy handed toward the end. Regardless, The Lonely Polygamist is easily one of the best books I've read in 2012.

 
Tinkers - Paul Harding (2009)
Somehow, Paul Harding's debut and Pulitzer Prize winning novel, Tinkers, is both stark and overwhelming. It tells the story of a father and son and how they and their families deal with their various disabilities and deterioration late in their lives. While the haunting imagery and poetic prose were impressive, they were not enough to keep me interested and I found myself getting bored and losing focus often. The several stream of consciousness passages were especially trying, and Tinkers runs rampant with metaphors and thus gets too flowery and preachy. Needless to say, I was not a huge fan.

Kinky Afro

"Kinky Afro" by Happy Mondays, from Pills 'n' Thrills and Bellyaches (1990)
Jam of jams.

Honeycomb 7"/Oshin/Swing Lo Magellan/A Thing Called Divine Fits/South Ossetia EP

Honeycomb 7" - Animal Collective (Domino, 2012)
Released early this summer, the songs "Honeycomb" and "Gotham" showcases the first official new music from Animal Collective since the Fall be Kind EP released late in 2009. While I consider these two tracks a little bit of a let down, they offered a good tease to hold fans over until this month's release of Centipede Hz, the band's latest full length. "Honeycomb" is a bright tribal number, not too unlike "Water Curses" from the 2008 EP of the same name. "Gotham" is a darker, slow burner that brings to mind the second half of the previously mentioned Fall be Kind. Synths and samples still seem to be reigning supreme in the Animal Collective camp, but what they do with them is still somewhat inspiring. And, the melodies are complex and top notch, per usual. I'll get back to you in a month or two with my thoughts on the LP.


Oshin - DIIV (Captured Tracks, 2012)
DIIV is a newer Captured Tracks band, and it should be no surprise that they fall into the same melodic goth/post-punk/dream pop sound that is characteristic of many other bands on the label, such as Wild Nothing, Beach Fossils, Craft Spells, etc. In fact, DIIV's core member is a live guitarist for Beach Fossils! How about that? While the songs on debut full length, Oshin, are usually mid or uptempo and the guitars bright and chimey, there's some murk to wade through here. The production is hazy without being even close to lo-fi, and you have to go digging for the catchy melodies as the vocals are completely buried. Despite the lack of synth layers and stadium sized drums, I can't help but shake the Disintegration vibes I get when listening to this. All of this makes for an awesome conundrum. The music here is dark and mysterious, yet these are thoroughly enjoyable pop songs. You have to put in a little bit of work to discover the best of the goods, but it is worth it. I must admit, I am not yet getting sick of all this 80s love that Captured Tracks and their bands have.


Swing Lo Magellan - Dirty Projectors (Domino, 2012)
In some ways, Dirty Projectors' follow-up to 2009's stunning Bitte Orca is underwhelming. Swing Lo Magellan is more stark and not so in-your-face in just about every way. Less wailing guitars, difficult to follow time signatures and R&B vocal acrobatics. More space, acoustic guitar and shorter song lengths. Trust me, this is a very good thing. While I was absolutely out of my mind about Bitte Orca, and love it deeply to this day, but, man, this softer, less aggressive side to Dirty Projectors is a welcome turn of events. Opener "Offspring Are Blank" is the closest that band comes to Bitte Orca here. "Gun Has No Trigger" is a poor boy's "Stillness is the Move," and though its my least favorite moment on the album, it's still solid and has some ridiculous harmonies. "Dance for You" and "Until Caesar" are big, fun pop songs, but the folkier elements of the title track and "Impregnable Question" are preferable. "About to Die" and "Just From Chevron" are outstanding, the former with its ridiculous chorus and the latter featuring the one occurrence of David Longstreth's guitar noodling (and also, it's the album's best song). It seems like all the hubbub about Swing Lo Magellan is that it is more accessible and much more personal than previous Dirty Projectors albums. Those characteristics are appealing to me as well, but what really gets me is simply that this band is still unbelievably good, and still have it in them to release album of the year material.


A Thing Called Divine Fits - Divine Fits (Merge, 2012)
Everybody knows by now that Divine Fits is a supergroup featuring Spoon's Britt Daniel, Wolf Parade's Dan Boeckner and New Bomb Turks' Sam Brown. In spite of the facts that I recognize that Spoon is almost a perfect band and used to be obsessed with Wolf Parade's Apologies to the Queen Mary, I did not care about the release of their debut LP, A Thing Called Divine Fits. That was until I heard Daniel's monster jam from it, "Would That Not be Nice." That got me interested. Now, after several listens, I have formulated an opinion, and that is that A Thing Called Divine Fits is actually a pretty damn good record. I good do without the majority of Boeckner's songs (though, "What Gets You Alone" is pretty bad ass), but for the most part, Daniel hits it out of the park. Along with the aforementioned track, "Flaggin a Ride" and "Like Ice Cream" are among the year's best. How much do all of these songs sound like the members' other projects. Well, Boeckner's stuff is pretty all over the place with the exception of opener "My Love is Real," which sounds like Handsome Furs. Daniel's songs are reminiscent of Spoon to a degree, but different enough to legitimize the new project. However, I won't deny that the most apparent effect A Thing Called Divine Fits has on me is that it makes me SO pumped for the next Spoon record.


South Ossetia EP - Driveway (Dog Years, 2012)
I'm glad this emo revival is lasting longer than I expected it to. I'm finding a lot of new bands that are doing the damn thing almost as well as the originals. Driveway isn't from the east coast (that's where most of the greats seem to be coming from these days), they're from Dublin! All three of the songs that make up the South Ossetia EP are totally good, landing somewhere between Braid and Texas is the Reason maybe, with a little more pop punk thrown in? I'm a sucker for interweaving guitars, stops and starts and emotion, and this EP has all of that in spades.

Emotional Listening #25

Homogenic - Bjork (One Little Indian, 1997)
Vespertine was the first Bjork album I got into. It is dramatic, intense and absolutely gorgeous. This was the summer of 2007, and not long after, I gave Homogenic, her previous album, a listen and was completely bored by it. What a dummy I was. Coming back to it in 2012, Homogenic has elements that are even more appealing than Vespertine, which I used to swear was the only thing Bjork had her hands on that I would ever care about. Sure, the arrangements and melodies on Vespertine are a bit more impressive, as the contrast between organic and inorganic (or, strings and synths/computers/beats) is more obvious and even fascinating, and all of those songs are just dripping with eerie, sexual tension. Homogenic is much more simple. It's still strings vs. synths and beats, but in a much more subtle way. These arrangements are stark in nature, and sometimes build up into more, or just fade into nothing. The songs are relatively formless, yet they still have some pop sensitivity, especially in the symphonic "Joga" and the computer pop of "5 Years" (which I think is the album's best, or at least most interesting, track). Homogenic is flawed and far from the masterpiece that Vespertine is, but it is a noble attempt at something grandiose and entirely unique for its time.
Top jams: "Hunter," "Joga," "Unravel," "5 Years," "Immature," "Alarm Call"


Woke On a Whaleheart - Bill Callahan (Drag City, 2007)
I got into Bill Callahan's first post-Smog record back when it was originally released in 2007. It took continuing on my interest and listening to his more recent albums to completely understand the level of quality that Woke On a Whaleheart is. In case you didn't know, Callahan composes gorgeous, autumnal folk tunes that tell dark, quirky stories and showcases a larger palate of colors than one would expect from such a husky, smokey voice. While 2009's Sometimes I Wish We Were an Eagle and 2005's Smog swansong, A River Ain't Too Much to Love are both better albums, Woke On a Whaleheart is excellent in its own right. What draws me to it most recently is how much fun it seems that Callahan is having on this record as opposed to his other ones, where he songs much more focused on the sadness he portrays and overall beauty of the recordings. Comparatively, Woke On a Whaleheart seems a tiny bit rushed, which isn't a bad thing here, and there is a lot more variety and everything is bouncier. Songs like "Diamond Dancer," "The Wheel," "Day," and "A Man Needs a Woman or a Man to be a Man" are great representations of this. There is something to enjoy on every song here, and thus, I have absolutely nothing to complain about.
Top jams: "From the Rivers to the Oceans," "Footprints," "Sycamore," "The Wheel," "Honeymoon Child," "Day"


Write Your Own History - Field Music (Memphis Industries, 2006)
There are very few bands or artists who come close to the consistency and quality of music as Sunderland's Field Music. I have not heard a song by these brothers (literally, David and Peter Brewis are brothers) that I have disliked. My love for them started in 2007 with their sophomore LP, Tones of Town, a study in complex song structure and arrangement with blatant pop hooks and other Beatles-isms. It ended up as my third favorite album of that decade. Their 2005 self-titled debut has a little more XTC in its sound, 2010's Measure is a bit more prog and even classic rock in places (and was ninth on that year-end list). This year's Plumb falls somewhere in between it all. Anyway, the focus here is this little collection of singles, b-sides and early recordings. For what it is, Write Your Own History is surprisingly cohesive, and you won't find a bland or sour moment here. These songs still showcase the Brewis' tangent for expansive arrangement, but here they are at their most subtle. "You're Not Supposed To" is relatively loud, very upbeat 60s up, and really is one of Field Music's absolute greatest tracks. Everything after on this collection mellows out quite a bit, but not in a bad way. "In the Kitchen," "Trying to Sit Out," "Test Your Reaction" and "Alternating Current" are other big time highlights.
Top jams: "You're Not Supposed To," "In the Kitchen," "Trying to Sit Out," "Feeding the Birds," "Test Your Reaction," "Alternating Current," "Can You See Anything?"


Sam Prekop - Sam Prekop (Thrill Jockey, 1999)
Can you imagine that Sam Prekop, voice and guitarist for Chicago's best band, The Sea and Cake, has released music that is even MORE chill than that of his band? Believe it. Prekop's first foray into solo territory doesn't sound too distant from The Sea and Cake's early albums, but these recordings are slower, quieter, and even more vague. While it is apparent that collaborating with his bandmates leads to a more fruitful product that is pretty much some of the best music ever, Prekop's skills are formidable on their own. His traditional jazz chords and smooth, smokey voice are present, and any time that is the case, all things are good. The music here can meander a little too much, but on "Practice Twice" and "Faces and People," it lends to some beautiful results. "Showrooms" and "So Shy" are by far the best songs, and that they are the album's bookends helps the flow of the album. It would be interesting to hear what Archer Prewitt, John McEntire and Eric Claridge would have contributed to these songs.
Top jams: "Showrooms," "The Company," "Practice Twice," "A Cloud to the Back," "Faces and People," "The Shadow," "So Shy"


Look Now Look Again - Rainer Maria (Polyvinyl, 1999)
During my senior year in high school, or maybe it was the summer after, a good friend of mine put a few Rainer Maria songs from their sophomore LP, Look Now Look Again, on an emo mix CD for me, and they have stuck ever since. I feel like this band is often forgotten when discussing the midwest emo greats, and that is unfortunate, as they put out at least three gems in this baby, A Better Version of Me (2001) and Long Knives Drawn (2003). Overall, Look Now Look Again might be the weakest of the three, but "Planetary," "Broken Radio," and especially "Breakfast of Champions" are among the band's career highlights. The boy/girl vocals are a nice touch, especially when Caithlin De Marrais' are so strong. Kyle Fischer's guitars shift between between open chords and nice, twinkly licks, and the upbeat, quirky drumming bring it all home. This is some great power trio emo shit. When's their reunion tour?
Top jams: "Planetary," "Broken Radio," "Feeling Neglected," "Breakfast of Champions," "The Reason the Night is Long," "Centrifuge," "I'm Melting!"

Nothing is Pure/Choreography/Nocturne/Nowhere 7"

Nothing is Pure - Placeholder (Better Days/Kat Kat, 2012)
Here is yet another record that brings me back to high school. Placeholder sound like a darker and heavier version of those New Jersey emo-y pop punk bands from the early 2000s like Saves the Day and The Stryder. The production on Nothing is Pure is pro. The guitars are beefy and the drums are big. The vocals may be a little too ridiculously intense, but that can be overlooked when the overall sound is so nostalgic and the songs so good. "Give Up" and "Stay Correct" are real jams.


Choreography - Weird Dreams (Tough Love, 2012)
Weird Dreams is a UK band that I came across pretty randomly. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't ignore their review on Pitchfork, but, I'm glad I didn't, as their debut LP, Choreography, was a pleasant surprise. These songs are a nice mix of 80s jangle pop (with those chimy, jangly, chorus-y R.E.M./Smiths guitars we all love) and early 90s brit pop. For the most part, Choreography is upbeat and high energy, with a few moody pieces here and there. Nothing new or original here, but that doesn't matter when an old style is performed so well. "Suburban Coated Creatures" is an obvious standout.

 
Nocturne//Nowhere 7" - Wild Nothing (Captured Tracks, 2012)
2012 has been a great year for Jack Tatum, the wunderboy behind Wild Nothing. The Nowhere 7" was released early in the year, and it showcased where Tatum's songs could go with big, professional production. The title track is a huge, gorgeous midtempo pop song that surely ranks among his best. B-side "Wait" is solid, though a little boring. Tatum's true triumph in 2012, though, is obviously his sophomore full length, Nocturne, just released at the end of August. Both releases are huge steps forward in production, and probably even songwriting, and "Nowhere," retrospectively, may be the icing on the cake, but there is no shortage of excellence on this year's LP. Admittedly, there are no standouts to the degree that "Summer Holiday," "Chinatown" or "Our Composition Book" were on Tatum's 2010 debut, Gemini, however, the consistency on Nocturne is staggering. We've still got the dreamy Cure and New Order (sorta) thing going on here, but less goth and injected with some Fleetwood Mac drum sounds (yes, those are real drums) and especially Tango in the Night synths. Though Tatum will probably never bring about the same effect in me that he did with Gemini, every song on Nocturne is at least good. Most are excellent. I was so pumped for this record, and I most definitely was not let down. I know I said there weren't really any standouts per se, but I still must list which songs come the closest: "Shadow," "This Chain Won't Break" and most notably "Only Heather" with its chimy Johnny Marr guitars and the best drum fill in a pop song since Maritime's "Parade of Punk Rock T-Shirts."

Troll 2/Degrassi - The Next Generation: Season Nine

Troll 2 (1990)
Written and directed by Drake Floyd
In title alone, Troll 2 is the sequel to the dark 1986 cult fantasy film Troll (which I've never seen). As far as I can tell, the comparisons end there. Troll 2 is an awesomely terrible campy horror film showcasing the worst plot, script and cast possible. Also, there are no trolls here. This is a film about goblins! From my understanding, some dude bought the rights to the name Troll 2 with the hope that billing it as the sequel to its moderately successful predecessor would then lead to impressive viewership. Dude took the film in a completely different direction on a shoestring budget, and Troll 2 was born. I was expecting supreme, hilarious gore and little else, but what I received instead was a completely incoherent storyline, nonsensical dialogue and incredibly shitty acting. Thus, I thoroughly enjoyed watching this.


Degrassi - The Next Generation: Season Nine (2009-2010)
I haven't been too vocal about it on the internet, but MAN, I love the Canadian high school drama Degrassi: The Next Generation. I was first turned on to it by my friend Brandon who sold it to me as so bad, its good, and that was the way my relationship was with the show for about a year or so. Now, while the acting and script writing really are quite poor (and the writers seem pretty clueless about the taste of a modern young person), I have come to realize that Degrassi: The Next Generation is legitimately good on several levels. First off, considering how young its viewership is, the show is very cutting edge, touching on issues that no American teen-oriented show comes close to touching (homosexuality, gender confusion, rape, teen pregnancy, physical and mental disability, murder, abortion, cocaine and meth addiction, being a Canadian high school student who is in a rock band that gets big in LA on summer break, LARP-ing, to name several). The serious issues are tackled in a dramatic, touching way, creating wonderfully tense moments, and the ridiculous issues make for really fun episodes. Secondly, as over the top as the acting can be, it was really easy to grow immensely attached to pretty much every character I came across. These characters are extremely compelling in every way, even the mean-spirited and tremendously stupid ones. Sure, there are plenty of flaws in most aspects of Degrassi: The Next Generation, but they are charming and easy to shrug off because they will make you laugh. I purchased the ninth season, which my appreciation for the show really jumped to a whole new level, on DVD for $5, and I do not regret it one bit. It even comes with a healthy number of shorts and even a two hour-long Degrassi: The Next Generation movie! If this post makes you lose respect for me, then screw you!

2012 NFL Preview

It is time. The 2012 NFL season is upon us, and I shall share with you my predictions, which I expect will be way off by the middle of the season. I feel like every year I pick the New England Patriots to win it all. SPOILER ALERT: Expect more of that in 2012. One of these years I'll get it right.

DIVISION PREDICTIONS

AFC East
1. New England Patriots (13-3)
2. Buffalo Bills (8-8)
3. New York Jets (7-9)
4. Miami Dolphins (4-12)

The 2011 Chad Ochocinco/Albert Haynesworth experiment went all wrong, yet still, the Patriots found themselves in the Super Bowl again. It seems like their defense should be improved, and who gives a shit about your ground game when you have two ridiculously athletic tight ends and Tom Brady can make a viable weapon out of anyone. I firmly believe New England is the real deal this year. Adding Mario Williams to the defensive line has certainly improved Buffalo's defense, and their offense can actually be sort of formidable at times, but they will still fall short of playoff contention. The New York Jets are going to be the laughing stock of the NFL thanks to the Rex Ryan/Mark Sanchez/Tim Tebow Show, and it's gonna be a blast to watch. The Dolphins lost a lot of very close games last year, but in a lot of ways, I feel like they've gotten worse.

AFC North
1. Baltimore Ravens (11-5)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
3. Cincinnati Bengals (8-8)
4. Cleveland Browns (3-13)

I don't think this division is quite as scary as it once was. The race between the Baltimore Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers should always be a close and entertaining one, but they have glaring weaknesses that need to be addressed soon. Both of their defenses can still be top notch, but they are getting way too old. Everyone knows Joe Flacco is mediocre, or at best simply decent, and he is still overrated. Thanks to the immense talents of Ray Rice, Baltimore gets the edge, but Pittsburgh's passing attack is far superior at this point, and Ben Roethlisberger can win games in the most ridiculous of circumstances. The Cincinnati Bengals are definitely an up-and-coming team, with a young, quality defense along with the Andy Daulton/A.J. Green combo that could be lights out in a couple of years. Adding Benjarvus Green-Ellis is huge, in my opinion, as he will be the workhorse that Cedric Benson was, but is capable of scoring a lot more often. However, the inexperience will be the team's downfall, and I see them missing the playoffs. Trent Richardson could be the future perennial running back for the Cleveland Browns, but they are completely doomed otherwise.

AFC South
1. Houston Texans (11-5)
2. Tennessee Titans (7-9)
3. Indianapolis Colts (5-11)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-13)

It's hard to say which is weaker between the AFC South and West divisions. I would argue for the South, but not very confidently. I am sort of a believer in the Houston Texans. There defense was surprisingly good last year, considering Mario Williams was out for a healthy portion of the season. That the team lost him and DeMeco Ryans makes it hard for me to believe that they're going to be as good in 2012. However, if Andre Johnson, who really is in a three-way tie with Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald as the best wide receiver in the NFL, and Matt Schaub, who is somewhat underrated, can remain healthy for the entire year, this Houston offense should be among the best in the NFL in every way. The Tennessee Titans will win less games than they did in 2011, but somehow will seem better thanks to a probable resurgence in running back Chris Johnson, who should be the best in the league, and sophomore QB Jake Locker's increase in confidence. I will not deny being one of the believers in Andrew Luck being the second coming of Peyton Manning, and with Donald Brown and Reggie Wayne being the number one guys at their positions (and potentially outright studs), the Colts should be better than everyone thinks they will be. The MJD holdout just ended in Jacksonville, but he is literally the only bright spot on that team at this point in time. The Jaguars are probably the worst team in the NFL, or at least the AFC.

AFC West
1. Denver Broncos (11-5)
2. San Diego Chargers (9-7)
3. Oakland Raiders (7-9)
4. Kansas City Chiefs (5-11)

I believe that it will take a couple of weeks for Peyton Manning to readjust to playing in the big game and getting back to the level of play that we're used to seeing from him, but it will definitely happen, and the Denver Broncos will win the AFC West because of it. In fact, with such a young, impressionable passing game to work with, and the reemergence of Willis McGahee, the Broncos could be the hottest team in the AFC when heading into the playoffs. The San Diego Chargers are barely good, and it's only because Philip Rivers is such a good quarterback, even if he is a douchebag and an asshole. This is said every year, but if San Diego can't make it past the first round of the playoffs this year, Norv Turner is finally done as head coach. The Raiders could compete if Darren McFadden can remain healthy and Carson Palmer can properly ease into such a young and potentially dangerous offense in a full season. But, none of that will probably happen. The Kansas City Chiefs are going to run with the ball like hell, and Dwayne Bowe will have good numbers, but that does not make this a quality team. I am rooting for QB Matt Cassel, though.

NFC East
1. New York Giants (11-5)
2. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
3. Dallas Cowboys (8-8)
4. Washington Redskins (6-10)

The NFC East is always competitive in a very entertaining way, but I don't see any of these teams getting to the Super Bowl. Even the reigning SB champion New York Giants, who didn't change much. Yes, they will fare much better than they did in the 2011 regular season, but their second Cinderella story in the past five years is over, despite the fact that Eli Manning should finally be considered a good quarterback. The Philadelphia Eagles are actually the most terrifying team here. If they get a full season out of Michael Vick, watch out. If his accuracy isn't the greatest, they still have an intimidating number of offensive weapons including LeSean McCoy, who is about to become the absolute greatest all-purpose back since Marshall Faulk. The Dallas Cowboys COULD be great. They have the stars both on offense and defense. There are too many big egos here, though, and like they have the past seasons, they will implode and fall well short of the post-season. I will be cheering on Robert Griffin, III big time due to having him in one of my keeper fantasy football leagues, but my interest in this Washington Redskins team ends there. RGIII does not have the weapons that Cam Newton had last year to replicate that kind of performance.

NFC North
1. Green Bay Packers (13-3)
2. Chicago Bears (10-6)
3. Detroit Lions (9-7)
4. Minnesota Vikings (6-10)

I don't need to say much about the Green Bay Packers. They will again be the best team in the NFC and maybe the entire NFL because of Aaron Rodgers and his plethora of receivers. All Cedric Benson has to do to make them better on offense is run at 75% of the way he did in Cincinnati. I'm going to assume that the way the defense performed last year is an anomaly, because usually the Green Bay defense is of the highest quality, and they do have some studs. If that is indeed the case, then Green Bay wins it all in 2012. Chicago's acquisitions of wide receiver Brandon Marshall and running back Michael Bush do not instantly make them Super Bowl contenders, but unfortunately they DO make them better than our Detroit Lions. They will both miss the playoffs though, as the NFC in general is quite stacked, at least compared to the AFC. I look forward to another incredible season of Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson hooking up, and Detroit should still finish with a winning record (like, 9-7), but I'm much more excited about this team and their slightly more distant future. Even if Adrian Peterson is back and healthy, the Minnesota Vikings are screwed, because this really is going to be one tough division.

NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons (12-4)
2. New Orleans Saints (10-6)
3. Carolina Panthers (8-8)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12)

The NFC South is another division that should be very competitive in 2012. After the Packers, the Atlanta Falcons and New Orleans Saints are really the teams to beat. I don't understand why everyone doesn't love Matt Ryan. True, he did not throw for 5,000 yards and 35 touchdowns last year. However, he did throw for almost 4,200 yards and tossed 29 TDs, and that's more than enough when you have a running back like Michael Turner (as long as he can avoid injury or overworking himself). Thing is, Ryan's stats should blossom to those of Brady, Brees, Rodgers and Stafford as Julio Jones is probably the next great receiver of our time. Thanks to the repercussions of Bountygate, the New Orleans Saints aren't going to breeze through the regular season like they did last year. Even so, their defense isn't very good anyway, and Sean Payton or not, Drew Brees is really the guy who runs this offense. That being the case, they will still make the playoffs, and Brees will take home the NFL MVP award for it. If Cam Newton really is the real deal, and it feels like he is, then the Panthers are going to the playoffs in 2013. Until then, they still have some growing to do, particularly on defense and in the receiving game beyond Steve Smith. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers did a lot of things to get better (like draft running back Doug Martin and sign former Chargers wide receiver Vincent Jackson), but they are destined to be terrible again this year. Trust me. They're another team with too many egos (namely Jackson, who will not put up with the spotty QB play of Josh Freeman).

NFC West
1. San Francisco 49ers (10-6)
2. Arizona Cardinals (6-10)
3. Seattle Seahawks (6-10)
4. St. Louis Rams (3-13)

It was kind of nice to see the San Francisco 49ers be good again. It's just not the same as those classic late-80s/early-90s teams though. Alex Smith is not the answer, nor is anybody else on this team. I believe their defense will lead them to a second straight NFL West title, but this team will be nowhere near as good as its 2011 version. If the Arizona Cardinals could one day land an actual quarterback in these post-Kurt Warner days, then that automatically puts them at the top of the division, because this defense ain't half bad. And, it sure is terrifying to think of what Larry Fitzgerald could do with an elite QB now-a-days if he can catch 80 balls for 1,400+ yards and eight TDs with Kevin Kolb and John Skelton tossing him the rock. It's hilarious to me that the Seattle Seahawks payed so much money for former Aaron Rodgers backup Matt Flynn (I was actually into this considering how successful Seattle was with former Brett Favre backup Matt Hasselbeck in the early 2000s) and it turns out their starting third round draft pick Russell Wilson out of the gates. If what Wilson has shown us in the preseason is legit (probably not), that combined with running back Marshawn Lynch and a half-way decent defense could mean competition for the 49ers. I'm not banking on it though. If the Jacksonville Jaguars aren't the worst team in the NFL, the St. Louis Rams are.

POSTSEASON AWARDS

Coach of the Year: Gary Kubiak (Houston)
Comeback Player of the Year: Peyton Manning (QB, Denver)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Morris Claiborne (CB, Dallas)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Andrew Luck (QB, Indianapolis)
Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis (LB, San Francisco)
Offensive Player of the Year: LeSean McCoy (RB, Philadelphia)
Most Valuable Player: Drew Brees (QB, New Orleans)

PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS

AFC
1. New England Patriots
2. Houston Texans
3. Denver Broncos
4. Baltimore Ravens
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. San Diego Chargers

NFC
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Atlanta Falcons
3. New York Giants
4. San Francisco 49ers
5. Philadelphia Eagles
6. New Orleans Saints

AFC Wild Card Round
Denver Broncos over San Diego Chargers
Pittsburgh Steelers over Baltimore Ravens

NFC Wild Card Round
New Orleans Saints over New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles over San Francisco 49ers

AFC Divisional Round
New England Patriots over Pittsburgh Steelers
Denver Broncos over Houston Texans

NFC Divisional Round
Green Bay Packers over New Orleans Saints
Atlanta Falcons over Philadelphia Eagles

AFC Championship
New England Patriots over Denver Broncos

NFC Championship
Atlanta Falcons over Green Bay Packers

Super Bowl XLVII
New England Patriots over Atlanta Falcons

Super Bowl XLVII MVP
Tom Brady (QB, New England)