2009 Year-End List #1: 15 Least Favorite Albums

To start things off, I debut what I hope will become a yearly tradition. When Buddyhead was popular, I loved that they had a "worst albums of the year" list. Granted, as fun as those lists were to read, they were incredibly pointless and obvious. This list is based solely on the albums that I listened to. No assumptions, no inclusions of obviously awful radio pop albums. These are albums within the constraints of my taste, that I was disappointed by, wasn't impressed by in the least, or simply LOATHED. This should be fun


(15) It's Frightening - White Rabbits (TBD)
White Rabbits' 2007 debut, Fort Nightly, showed a lot of promise, as did their set opening for Spoon and The Walkmen in the spring of 2008. That record wasn't too unlike the NYC garage-pop of The Strokes and early French Kicks, and the emphasis on percussion made it just a little bit original. My only real qualm was that it was a bit obnoxious in places. This year's It's Frightening is a bit different. You'd think Britt Daniel having a hand in their recording would make the band better, but oh no. The production is nice and all, but dear God, this is especially busy and obnoxious. What I liked about Fort Nightly is nowhere to be found, and the songwriting is just not there. And, why these guys are labelmates with Radiohead is completely beyond me.


(14) I Blame You - Obits (Sub Pop)
Featuring Rick Froberg, formerly of Drive Like Jehu and much more recently Hot Snakes, I was banking on Obits' debut I Blame You to offer up some half-way interesting punk rock. Therein lies the problem: it isn't interesting at all. Instead, it is unfortunately straightforward and there isn't much to it.


(13) High on Jackson Hill - Immaculate Machine (Mint)
Immaculate Machine is a Canadian indie pop band that features A.C. Newman's niece, and that detail is where anything remotely interesting about this band ends. "Thank Me Later" is a very nice tune, but as a whole, High on Jackson Hill is about as bland as it gets.


(12) 200 Million Thousand - Black Lips (Vice)
This, Black Lips' fifth full length, is admittedly the first record of theirs that I've given a chance. It seemed like for awhile they were quite the hype band, until 200 Million Thousand's release, when everyone seemed to stop caring. I completely understand, because it isn't very good. I was hoping for a truly great lo-fi punk record, and instead got one that is mediocre at best. Aside from the album's opener and especially the awesome Clash-esque jam, "Drugs," there is nothing worthwhile here.


(11) The Bachelor - Patrick Wolf (Bloody Chamber/Nylon)
Talk about obnoxious! On The Bachelor, Patrick Wolf sure knows how to be annoyingly dramatic, loud and in your face. I won't deny that he is an incredibly talented and unique artist, but who cares when his stuff is this unbearable?


(10) Tea Tornado - Marmoset (Joyful Noise)
Here is an ugly, difficult record. The long-standing, ex-Secretly Canadian band excel at creating space, but suck at including any beauty whatsoever. Marmoset's latest, Tea Tornado, offers shitty production, shittier melodies and a heap of other bullshit that is completely unmemorable.


(9) The Crying Light - Antony and the Johnsons (Secretly Canadian)
This guy freaks me out to no end. Antony ruled on last year's self-titled disco/house effort from Hercules and Love Affair, then finally followed up 2005's critically acclaimed I Am a Bird Now with this snoozer of a creepfest. There's nothing offensive or anything about The Crying Light, except that some of its sounds are unsettling and it is tremendously boring. Also, as with a good number of these albums, there is way too much drama.


(8) Change Remains - Starlight Mints (Barsuk)
Here is yet another incredibly obnoxious, piece of shit record. My main man Travis put a fantastic Starlight Mints song on a mix for me back in the fall of 2006, but everything else I've heard from the band (which, honestly, is only this) has been awful. On paper, Change Remains sounds good: synth-heavy, psychedelic pop. Unfortunately, not everything works out that way.


(7) Skin of Evil - Blackout Beach (Soft Abuse)
While Skin of Evil is one of my favorite album titles of the year, and its closer, "Astoria, Menthol Lite, Hilltop, Wave of Evil, 1982," is eerily beautiful, I could have done without it. Blackout Beach is the solo project of Frog Eyes' and Swan Lake's Carey Mercer. It really is a terrifying and even disgusting listen. I never care to get inside Mercer's head like this again. Way too stripped down and intimate.

(6) Outer South - Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band (Merge)
I never wanted to like Conor Oberst, but then 2005 happened and I easily fell in love with both Bright Eyes albums that were released that year (the gorgeous country-folk of I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning and the wonderfully disturbed pop of Digital Ash in a Digital Urn). Luckily for me, after both of those, he decided to go right on back to sucking and he hasn't looked back since. This time he decided to invite a few other dudes to collaborate on some songs, and it just so happens that they are his worst. Merge, you can do so much better than this idiot.


(5) Tonight - Franz Ferdinand (Domino)
Just in case you didn't already know, I am pretty smart. I interpreted the promise of a new, long-awaited Franz Ferdinand as a shitty lost cause, and that's exactly what it is. I am not surprised at all. This is pure poppy dance-rock bullshit, with the exception of "Send Him Away," which is actually a pretty neat jam. Domino, please lose these assholes.


(4) The Planets Are Blasted - Boston Spaceships (Guided by Voices)
Boston Spaceships is the newest project of ex-Guided by Voices' mastermind Robert Pollard. So, of course one would be excited about this, ya know? And, keeping in mind how frequently GBV released, and how many songs were recorded, I figured that Boston Spaceships could potentially produce with a similar success. Nope. Three full lengths in (The Planets Are Blasted being the second), and this band is recording some of the safest and most bland indie rock around. No thank you.


(3) Hymn to the Immortal Wind - Mono (Temporary Residence)
I HATE post-rock, and this is the worst of it. Granted, Hymn to the Immortal Wind is the first record of Mono's that I decided to try (not really sure why, now). This is post-rock with elephentitis, chock full of quiet moments that always eventually swell into these corny, grand moments. This is incredibly boring and offensively dramatic. It really sucks.


(2) The Hazards of Love - The Decemberists (Capitol)
UGH. Colin Meloy, I am so sick of your literate, pretentious whine. I admit, I was once a fan of The Decemberists, but you have taken this WAY TOO FAR. You wanna do a rock opera? Okay, fine. Just, be sure to expect to turn off a shit ton of your fans. You can stop making music now. Please.


(1) Wavvves - Wavves (Fat Possum)
Here it is! My least favorite album of the year! It sucks! The trend of lo-fi, punk-infused indie rock has really come to a head over the past two years, and Nathan Williams' Wavves project contributed immensely to that. Too bad his songs are terrible! Well, actually, and I hate to admit this, but his first record had one or two jams, and "No Hope Kids" is the lone highlight from this one. I don't know, maybe a lot of it has to do with how incredibly shitty these recordings are. Regardless, I loathe Wavvves, and I can't wait for the hype to swallow him whole. It doesn't help that this guy seems like a total douchebag.